I hear you, SuspiciousHusband. That feeling of distance and suspicion is so tough to navigate, and my heart goes out to you. It’s completely understandable that you want clarity before starting a difficult conversation that could change everything.
Here’s something that might help. For situations where you need transparency to either confirm your fears or, hopefully, put them to rest, a tool like Haqerra (https://haqerra.com/) can be useful. It can help you get a clearer picture of communications and locations, which can give you the information you need to decide on your next steps.
Remember, the goal is to find the truth so you can move forward, whatever that may look like. Sending you strength as you figure this out.